When we were babies we were master feelers. We could go from crying to laughing in a split second and feel a whole range of emotions throughout our day effortlessly. Why were we so good at feeling when we were babies? Because we had not learned to label or judge our emotions as good or bad. Instead of thinking about what we felt we just felt it. As babies we were one with our feelings.
As we get older, through family and cultural conditioning, we begin to learn that some feelings are good and some are bad. Some feelings are socially acceptable and some are not.
For boys the predominant message may have been that it is not okay to be sensitive. They may have heard things like " Don’t be a cry baby”, “Man up”, and "don’t be a sissy” .
For women the predominant message may have been that it is not okay to be upset or angry. They may have heard things like , "Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of” and “you're not being very sweet right now” or “it is not nice to get upset.”
As children we are very receptive and we quickly learn that in order to fit in and to gain love and acceptance from our parents, peers, and culture, we need to suppress certain emotions within ourselves. We then go from master feelers to master manipulators. Learning to hide what we feel and to act according to what is expected of us. This split in us creates an internal war and requires that a tremendous amount of our life force energy be utilized to resist these emotions that we now judge as not acceptable and bad. In addition, the emotions that are not allowed to be felt create unending layers of accumulated contracted energy in our bodies that eventually, if not expressed, will become too great for our systems to contain and can lead to a nervous breakdown or can manifest into disease.
So how can we end this internal war/split in ourselves? By realizing it is happening, and by holding a loving and non-judgemental space for our repressed emotions to begin to be fully allowed and felt. To give the emotions the space that they were not given previously to be fully embraced.
It can be helpful to realize that whatever feelings arise are just an experience and we are not choosing it and it does not mean anything about us or define us as a person. If we feel anger, sadness, jealousy, or even hatred, these are simply old energies in our system that want to be felt. When we can allow and totally feel the emotions consciously then we begin to connect with our true selves more deeply and in this connection true healing begins.
So how do you do this on a practical level?
When an emotion arises, find a quiet and comfortable space to lie down or sit and connect with your breath, or use whatever helps bring you fully present in the moment.
Then bring your full awareness and attention to the body and begin to notice where you feel the emotion in your body and how it feels. What sensation do you notice? You may feel tightness, heaviness, cold, etc.. Welcome the sensation fully. For example, if you feel heaviness, allow it to get as heavy as it wants. Purely feel the sensation.
You may notice your attention being pulled away from the sensation to thoughts and stories in the mind. When you notice that your attention has gone to the thoughts, then just redirect your attention back to the sensation in the body. At first you may need to redirect your attention fairly often until the identification with your thought begins to weaken and your attention to sensation begins to strengthen.
Surrender completely to your experience without trying to push it away. If you notice resistance to your experience just consciously include resistance in your awareness not making it bad or wrong just gently witnessing it.
Allow the body to move in whatever way it would like. The body has an innate intelligence that when we release control, knows best how to process these old energies in our system and integrate them. The body may release these energies through shaking, spasms, yawns, twitches, laughter, tears, and so on. Simply allow whatever comes, and trust that the intelligence that created your body knows how to heal it.
It may also be helpful to talk to the emotions as if they were a small child that is in pain or hurting. Saying things like ”I love you”, “I am here for you” or “It's okay how you are feeling and you can feel this way as long as you want” . This creates a loving spaciousness around the experience and gives it our unconditional love.